he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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