I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
