If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
did you just send me my own nude
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
