After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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