the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
