i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
