I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
