Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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