my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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