I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
