Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
