just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
