I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
