Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
