if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
