Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
