Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
