I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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