Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
