I can tuck mytits in my pants
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
