Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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