I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
