the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
