You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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