Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
