My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
