Three words: puerto rican gang bang
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
two words: eviction party
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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