Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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