Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
