I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
