Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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