i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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