my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
