Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
