Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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