Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
