Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
