why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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