i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
