he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
