So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
