haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You can't motorboat a personality
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
