No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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