i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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