i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
