FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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