i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
