i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
