I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bring me that man meat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
