How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
