I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
