Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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