My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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