I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
