Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
