i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
