You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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