"it" just moved
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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