No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
