I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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