How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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