stop calling my apartment porn island.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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