Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
