Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
