I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
