just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
