Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
