Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
