my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
