You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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