you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
