Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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