I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
