she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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