seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
