We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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