Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
