So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
